July 30, 2015

This week has been a tough one in regards to my anxiety. I am not really sure why I am having such an issue but I am.  I just feel like I am wound so tight that one little thing is going to unravel me and I am just going to collapse on the floor in an emotional puddle.  My mind has just been racing from one anxious thought to another, worrying about everything and coming up with all the worst case scenarios for everything else.  I am irritable and grouchy.  I am finding it hard to sit at my desk at work and when I go home I am finding it hard to relax and just be.  I have been trying to use all the techniques that I learned from the counselor that I saw recently and it is hit or miss whether they work this week. It is exhausting to feel this way. I hate feeling like this but sometimes feel that I don’t have any control over it no matter how hard I try and control it.  And then I realized that may be part of my problem……trying to control it,  when I should just let go.

 

I am a huge fan of the series, Criminal Minds and there is an episode where Penelope and Rossi are walking out together after a challenging case for them and Penelope asks Rossi if he has ever wanted to just unplug from the world for a while.  Rossi asks her for her tablet, cell phone, other cell phone and decides for her that she is coming to his house to just relax and unplug for the evening. After watching me struggle all week with the anxiety my Hubby last night decided that enough was enough.  At 8:30 pm, he took my cell phone away and sent me to enjoy a bubble bath and read my new book, taking the control away from me and leaving me no choice but to try and relax. He also stated that from now on I am not to answer my cell phone after 8:30 pm at night.  He said that he will tell the children that if they need us or are having an emergency they can send a text message and one of us will respond. His reasoning for this is sometimes when I answer the phone, especially at night,  I get stuck on it and then I miss out on “me”  time and he knows that I need that time to recharge. I will admit that for a split second I wanted to argue the point but then He gave me “the look” and I complied.  Sometimes I just need to be able to give up the control and just let go.