November 11, 2016

It has been a rough couple of days since the election on Tuesday and I have been heartsick about all the fighting among siblings, friends and strangers about the outcome.  I have been very nervous about posting this blog but here goes…..

I am Mormon.  I live in the state of Utah and I am a registered Democrat.  I would probably call myself a liberal Democrat if I had to put a title on it. I believe that there should be a ban on assault rifles but that the average citizen has the right to own a gun, I think abortion should be legal as well as allowing same sex marriages.  But for the first time in all the years that I have been voting, I voted a third party candidate this time.  I don’t believe that I threw my vote away, I voted who I believed represented my beliefs that best.  Believe it or not I was raised in a very Democratic home.  My grandfather was a staunch Democrat and as far as I can remember he voted straight party most times.  He was very active in politics in our small community.  He was a blue collar worker and a union member. He believed that the Democrats were looking out for his best interests.  Both of my parents are registered Democrats but I was taught by them to vote for the person and not necessarily the party. I was taught that I needed to look at the issues and not just the party they represent. That is what I have always tried to do. That is what I did this year.

This election has brought out the worst in people.  I don’t look at the world through rose colored glasses and I realize that there are things that need to be changed in this country for example: healthcare and immigration but I don’t believe that all the name calling, protests or fighting is going to solve them.  In my honest opinion what needs to happen is we just need to STOP IT!  Stop the name calling, the judging, the finger pointing, disrespectfulness and start being kinder, accepting and putting the positive out into the world. We need to come together as a nation and start being respectful of each other, realizing that we all have different opinions and learning to respect them.  How dull would life be if we all had the same opinions, interests and outlook on life. I may not like president-elect Donald Trump or agree with what he stands for but now that he will be our new president I will show him the respect that by simply being the president he deserves. I will set the example for my children and grandchildren and try to teach them the things that I was taught.

Change doesn’t come from the White House, change comes within our own homes and communities. I think Mahatma Gandhi said it best,”You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

June 14, 2016

There have been very few times in my life that I haven’t felt safe whether I was at home, work or out in the community.  I know that bad things happen in our world every day but I try not to dwell on them. 

 

On Monday after work I had to go to the DMV (Dept of Motor Vehicles) to register the boat for the year.  It was extremely crowded, standing room only, so I took a number and found a place to stand while I waited for my number to be called.  As I stood there waiting, two thoughts crossed my mind…..1) if a shooter came into this building where could I hide and 2) I really should move away from the front door and windows.  Both these thoughts were unsettling for me since I have never had those types of thoughts cross my mind before when I have been in a crowded place.  I have attended footballs games, conferences, boat shows and when the winter Olympics were here in Salt Lake City, I remember attending the night parties downtown and I loved being with all the people and crowds.  I loved the feeling that was there. 

 

It makes me sad that because of recent events, I have started to question my safety in these sort of  places.  I know that this won’t last and I will work through these feelings.  I don’t want to live my life being afraid and wondering and worrying about what might happen.  I have limited my time on social media the last couple of days because it makes me sad to read all the reports about the tragedy in Orlando.  I can’t help but think that if we all just adopted the attitude of “live and let live”, were a little less judgmental and a little more kind then maybe events like this could be avoided.  I know, I know it is probably wishful thinking on my part but a mother and grandmother can wish.

May 20, 2016

As many of you know I turned 50 this past November and so that meant it was time for the dreaded colonoscopy screening. I work for Intermountain Healthcare and one of their values is "helping you live the healthiest life possible." So starting in January the emails and phone calls started about me getting a screening. I just ignored them. But they were persistent and continued with the phone calls and emails and I continued to ignore them. I kept telling myself and my family "what if they find something." Finally my son Tyler said to me,"Mom, they are going to find something.....your colon!" Finally I decided that I probably should schedule the procedure and while I was at it I scheduled Michael's also since he missed his last year. I called our daughter in law to see if she would be our caretaker that day. She agreed so I was out of excuses and I called the facility to schedule. After I scheduled the appointments I did what every anxious, overthinking person does, I did my research. I researched the facility, the prep, the procedure, the medication used and finally the doctor scheduled to do the procedure. During my research one of the blogs I visited suggested chugging the prep like you were at a frat party. That image gave Michael and I both a giggle. 

The prep last night was definitely inconvenient, nasty tasting and horrible but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be but you see for a control freak like myself it wasn't the prep I was anxious about it was the procedure itself. The procedure was scheduled for this morning and I was a basket case. My dear, sweet husband even though I knew he was a little nervous kept reassuring me that this was no big deal and everything was going to be okay. Upon arriving at the hospital my anxiety kicked into high gear, my blood pressure was high and so was my heart rate. The nurse, tech and doctor said this was the easy part but I explained not for a control freak and they assured me that they would take good care of me. As it turned out it really was no big deal. No polyps!! Michael was the big winner this year with 18 polyps removed, all benign, but the doctor said it was colon cancer waiting to happen. He will returning for a repeat colonoscopy next year. 

I am relieved that it is over and now Michael and I are just going to take it easy for the rest of the day. I am really grateful though that someone was persistent with me and that we have the screenings we do to keep us healthy. 

March 10, 2016

Change.  I do not like change. Now I know that most people don’t like change but I really don’t and I find myself when I am faced with changes, digging my heels in and resisting them. And yes, I have heard all the statements….change is good.  Change is there to help you grow. And my favorite, from a dear friend….Only babies like changes.  I had someone say to me that not liking change comes with age but I have always been like this. Change has never  been easy for me.  Over the last couple of weeks there has been some changes that have taken place in my life and I am just now trying to adjust to those changes and accept them. 

 

With these changes comes the fact that my life is going to get a little busier. I used to have a really busy life and over the last few years things have really slowed down.  I really love my non-busy life. I loved that fact that going to work Monday thru Friday and getting a walk in every day were  probably the most scheduled things that I had to do every week. I am now going to have to be more organized with my time. I tend to be a little bit of a procrastinator. If something isn’t pressing I am more likely to put it off than take care of it right away. This has probably been the toughest change for me.  It is going to mean that I will probably need to spend less time on Facebook and surfing the internet and more time taking care of things that need to be done instead of procrastinating them.  It might mean doing yard work or getting my walk in after work instead of sitting down to watch an episode of Criminal Minds. It will mean that I will need to find that balance  again so that I am making time for everything and everyone in my life.  It will mean learning to say “no” again to things that I simply don’t have time to do and not feeling guilty about it.  I am going to have to remind myself more often that I need to make sure that I am taking care of “me” and doing things for myself that make me happy and content.

 

I know that these changes will be good for me in the long run and I will probably even experience some growth from them but at the moment I am just feeling unsettled and out of sorts.

 

“One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up, instead of what they have to gain.” ~Rick Goodwin

February 14, 2016

Happy Valentine’s Day!!  Some people will say that Valentine’s day is just another made up holiday, a holiday that the chocolate and flower companies have created to help their bottom lines after the holidays but for Michael and I it has always been a special holiday.  One that we celebrate every year.  It was 31 years ago that Michael surprised me with a steak dinner complete with baked potatoes and sautéed mushrooms and “officially” proposed to me and gave me my engagement ring. Michael had gotten over his first instinct to run and we had decided, weeks before that we were going to give this marriage thing a try since I was expecting our first son and he wanted me to have that memory of him proposing.  I still remember walking into my parents family room and the table was set with my mom’s best dishes and candlelight.  Michael was in a suit and tie and I was speechless.  My brothers and sister were oddly absent and my parents gave us some privacy for the evening.  I remember talking about how nervous we both were and wondering out loud if we were making a mistake.  You see, we were just supposed to be friends.  We talked about our hopes and dreams and what we both wanted out of the relationship.  It was a night that I will never forget.  It was the beginning of our journey.

 

As the years went on we re-created that night and celebrated on Valentine’s day every year. Most years it was a night that we would get dressed up to have dinner.  Some years it was harder than others..one year I was VERY pregnant and was just hoping that our 2^nd son would soon be born, it was especially hard when we were raising teenagers and we had to work around their social schedules and then the year that Michael had his accident and was in the hospital I got take out Chinese food and we shared dinner together in his room and when he was released to come home my dad cooked “our steak dinner” for us.  It is easier for us now since we are “empty nesters” and we have a little more freedom. Our children have all been warned about just showing up or they may be in for a surprise!!

 

For Michael and I, celebrating the “little” things, like Valentine’s Day is what has helped keep us together for 31 years.  It is reflecting on the past and seeing how much we have grown and how far we have come.  It is looking forward to what the future holds for us. It is remembering the reason I accepted his proposal years ago and how much the love that I have for him has grown over the years.  It is realizing that I really did marry my best friend.

January 19, 2016

This is a difficult time of the year for me. I live in the Salt Lake City valley, which is nestled between the Wasatch and Oquirrh Mountains. It is beautiful, blue skies, fluffy white clouds,  picture perfect almost, and I love living here except in January. January, the darkest, coldest and dreariest month of the year.  January, the month of the year when we have to deal with the “January inversion”.  What is a “January inversion” you ask….it is when everything (pollution, emissions from cars) gets trapped in the valley due to the cold.  It is hazy, cold and most days we are under a warning for air quality.  There are a few ways to escape it and for most people that means going to higher elevations and skiing.  At the ski resorts the weather is blue skies, no haze and a little warmer temperatures.  For us that don’t ski, we just pray for a storm that will clean things out.  You add into the equation that it is after the holidays and the “post holiday” blues have set in, the nights are long, it is cold and spring seems forever away, throw in a couple of experiences from years past that still affect me and the anxiety that I have been dealing with lately and it is a recipe for some pretty bleak days.

 

Now I am not one to dwell on the negative, or I try not to, so I have learned a few coping skills to deal with the “January inversion.” I light my summery candles, put on my capri pants and flip flops and grill hamburgers and make potato salad.   Michael and I talk about things we want to do when the temperatures start to warm up like boating trips and camping trips. Last year we planned our trip to Texas in May. We plan to visit the boat show in February. We usually try to plan a weekend getaway for our anniversary in March. I try and force myself to get out and go to the gym.  I love cuddling under a fleece blanket and getting lost in some of my favorite book series like Divine Creek Ranch by Heather Rainier and Lusty Texas by Morgan Ashbury, reading and re-reading those series are like “comfort food” to my soul. I also like to turn on the music and listen to what my children call the “oldies”…..Bruce Springsteen, the Eagles, John Cougar or Bob Seger. I try to remember all the reasons why I love living where I do and I also try to remember what a dear friend tells me all the time….this doesn’t come to stay, it comes to pass.

 

But there is one thing that I do every year and that is……count the days until spring!!!!