June 24, 2015

For the last year I have been dealing with this annoying creature called….Anxiety.  I have never been an anxious person but all of a sudden here it was.  That unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach, the dread of waiting for the next shoe to drop and the constant, run away thoughts in my mind.  I am still not sure what triggered the anxiety, whether it was the fact Hubby and I became “empty-nesters”, he switched and started a new job or maybe it is hormone based since I will be turning 50 years old this year.  Whatever triggered it, it has been a challenge for me to deal with.  Michael has been trying his best to be there for me, even going to the extreme of letting our son put an app on his cell phone that allowed me to know where he was in the valley during the day.  He can’t always answer his phone during the day and some days I really just need some connection with him. I found myself constantly talking myself out of being anxious and it was exhausting.  It took a tremendous effort for me to even go to work, I just wanted to stay at home, where for the most part I could keep the anxious feelings at  bay. 

 

One evening about 6 months ago I realized what a negative effect  this anxiety was having on my life when it took Michael an hour to convince me, in the middle of the night, that the “charley horse” in my leg was simply that a “charley horse”  from walking and not drinking enough water and not a blood clot.  I decided that it was time for me to seek some professional help for the issue. I work for a healthcare company and they offer free, confidential counseling for issues like this.  I made the appointment and actually kept the appointment even though it made me extremely anxious, thinking about talking with someone about it. What if they thought I was crazy? What if it was all in my head? What if it wasn’t just anxiety but something else, something serious?

 

After meeting with this understanding counselor, she helped me to see that I was stuck in a “catastrophic” thinking pattern. I could turn a simple thought into a worst case scenario and my “what if’s” thoughts were endless. I could get myself talked out of one thought only to have another pop up.  It seemed like I spent all day dealing with them.  She taught me some skills that helped me to challenge the thoughts that I was having and ask the question “so what?”  She also reminded me of the importance of staying in the present.

 

So six months later, I feel like I am dealing better with the anxiety.  There are still days that I feel completely overwhelmed by it. I never know what will trigger the thoughts, some days something will happen and I will get the unsettled feeling in my stomach, but on those days I try to be gentle with myself and remind myself to stay in the present, that this too shall pass.  Michael constantly reminds that “life is good” and we have so much to be thankful for.

 

Love

Lisa

I am finally starting to feel like we are getting back into the swing of things at our house.  Michael and I spent 10 days in Texas at the beginning of May and I think we were both suffering from “vacation hangover.”  We had a wonderful time there and it was worth all the planning and saving that we did to make it happen.  We celebrated 30 years of marriage in March and decided that this trip would be a great way to celebrate it.  It was really the first big vacation that we have taken without our children.  Michael is a history buff and so we made a point of  making sure that we saw the historical sites in the area.  We visited the Alamo, the Lyndon B. Johnson museum and ranch and the JFK sites in Dallas.  It was such an eerie feeling standing on the corner by the book depository and thinking about the events that took place there. We missed all the rain and flooding in the area that happened just after we came home.   We spent one day just road tripping through the Hill County of Texas and ended up in Bandera, where we had dinner with two women that I have only known on the internet but was finally able to meet in person.  It felt like we had been friends forever.  One of the highlights of our trip, for me at least, was finally meeting two of the authors that I love, respect and adore.  I have read their books and interacted with them on social media but until this trip had not meet them face to face.  What a wonderful opportunity!!  These two women in person, are just as they appear on social media….. inspiring, gracious, classy, genuine and their husbands are also.

 

This trip was a opportunity for Michael and I to reconnect and spend some quality time together.  It was trip that we made some wonderful memories and will be able to look back on them and remember all the people we met and the places we visited. Even though we can’t always take trips like this because of the cost, I think trips like this are good for the soul and help you to step back and reconnect and remember what is really important in life…..relationships and spending time with those you love.